I know I am not the only mom who feels this way! One of the things that will bring me to my knees faster than fast: Something is happening to my children.
I know that I have ultimately no control of what happens to my children. Sometimes things happen: illness, broken hearts, new jobs that don’t work out; those things that you, as mom, want to take off their shoulders but can’t. That is not how the world works.
When things become more difficult, become something that others have done deliberately to hurt your/my children – the belligerent mom in me switches on. That mom who not only wants to control everything, but will do everything she can to make the world better for them, who feels that she can do better than God. This mom/me stands toe to toe with God. Nose to nose: demanding to God do something, make things better….now! You, (mom/me), can feel like you worked so hard to raise these children well that what is happening to them is not just unfair, it is UNJUST. You/me have spent years helping them to become their best, giving them tools to live life with strength; but still the devil comes into their lives. And your, (mom/me), faith takes a hit. Where are you God!? Why did you let this happen!? You, (m0m/me), think in your heart – How. Dare. You. God!
As a spiritual director I know there is a great deal to discern that will help the situation immensely, but what you/me know to do, and what has happened to you/me as a mom, makes you feel you are being hit in the gut with worry and grief, you just feel weak in the knees, as if you are standing in a literal black space. You feel lost as if you are in a black hole that nothing can penetrate. You need that time to grief. Than slowly, oh so slowly you realize that God is standing quietly by you as you grief. You realize that He is grieving with you but still waiting until you are open enough for God to walk up and hug you with such Divine love.