My Heart hurts for you Mary

Reenacting the Stations of the Cross in Jerusa...

Reenacting the Stations of the Cross in Jerusalem on the Via Dolorosa from the Lions’ Gate to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Holy Week and Easter, the most sacred time for the Church and what does my mind focus on: Our Blessed Mother.  Before I become a mom the journey to the Cross was some abstract thing that had no real impact on me.  I felt as if it was a piece of theater: Palm Sunday with the readings of the Passion, then Holy Thursday through Easter with the beautiful liturgies; but they were no more than that: beautiful liturgies to be experienced outside of myself not in.

When my boys, especially my boys because Mary only had a boy; makes me wonder what my thoughts would be if she also had girls, were little I thought of Mary most during Advent.  I journeyed with her most closely when I was expecting.  I wondered how the mundaneness of everyday life affected her faith.

But now with our eldest being 30, so close to the age of Jesus’ death, I feel this Holy Week beginning in such a different way. I see my eldest and how he has changed so much from the rebellious teen to an adult with reason, goals, a life ahead of him; and I wonder, how much of Jesus’ life did he share with his mom?  I do not know everything that goes on in my son’s life. He does not tell me every detail.  His life is shared with us, but not lived with us.  Was if the same with Mary and Jesus.  Were they close but healthfully separate?  Did he keep things from his mother to protect her?  Did he feels some details were too mundane to share, or too intimate?

What were these last days like for her?  Did she know of the triumphal procession into Jerusalem?  Did she hear rumours of how Judas was going to betray him?

Or did Jesus come to Sabbath Supper with a reassuring grin?

Like most moms did Mary have her mommydar go off, sensing some type of trouble brewing?  Did Mary have support?  It seems as if Joseph was already gone and she was a widow, so how did she fare with all her feelings?

Worry like this chokes you.  It must have choked Mary.  Did she pace the floors?  Did she scream to heaven for God not to take him?  Was she spending sleepless nights remembering the little baby she held in her arms?

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