From my past I have trust issues, issues that make it hard for me to open up and be vulnerable, issues that causes me to control, or want to control every aspect of my life/my children/my world. Trust issues that make it so easy for me to build walls, push people out.
I am always on the look out for times when my children could be in trouble/be causing trouble. I have a very difficult time finding the positive.
Today the first reading of Mass was like a direct message from God. The Pastor of the Cathedral explained the first reading as Moses wanting to remind Israel who they were. Moses wanted the people to know each and every miracle that God had/has done in their lives. Every time they were feed in the desert. Every night that the pillar of fire lead them, or pillar of smoke in the day.
I sat straight up in the pew feeling convicted. How dare I be so mistrusting, controlling, angry; hasn’t God given me freedom of my past? Hasn’t God given me a good man who loves me. Don’t I have a family that loves me. Haven’t I raised my children with awareness?
All I could do was sit there and say yes God you have, that moment I was free.