This Lent I am trying something new, going to daily Mass.
I have decided to go to the first Mass of the day. For me the early morning has always been magical. There is an intimacy to that time of day that is very different than any other time of day. The world is awaking, there is a promise in the air, a newness.
It is still winter here, snowing, very cold; the winter months has a silence as if the world is listening, listening for what? This morning it was cold and snowing ever so slightly. The sky was flannel gray. But there was a beauty to it. Through it was cold there was a warm embrace to the morning.
I am going to Saint Mary’s Cathedral because it is close to home, because it is different than my home parish: Saint Casimir. For this Lent I need a place I can call my own. A place that has no connection to my regular “spiritual life”. A space where it is just God and I.
I came fifteen minutes early and spent time with God in the huge worship space. Since this was the first time I had come to the Cathedral for the earliest Mass I had no idea what to expect. For some time I thought I was going to be the only one celebrating Mass, than I saw from the corner of my eye people beginning to enter the Tabernacle Chapel space. I thought: “Aha, that is where Mass is being celebrated and I am not the only one here.”
Going from that huge open space to the smaller one there was a perceivable change of spiritual atmosphere. One from the openness and coldness of such large a space to an intimacy that was heavenly. As I knelt in that Tabernacle space I felt closer to God than I do when I am in the larger space. There were ten people in that small space, ranging from young men and women to older business types. All seemed to have a calm spiritual presence about them.
When I was living in DC I went to Mass almost every day. But then it was easier. I had no family to care for. No children to take on school runs. No hubbies to say goodbye to. No house to care for. No work to do. Then I was a young woman working in a hometown that has a Catholic church on practically every block. It was wonderful to go to Mass. To be with God. As life become more complex it was harder to find the time. Or maybe I just thought it was harder. When I would go I was always impressed with young moms who would take their small kids to Mass; something I never thought to do. Maybe because it was just easy to not have to bundle my little guys into the car and go; maybe I was just lazy. Maybe I was afraid that my children would “ruin” my time with God. Maybe I was afraid that my children were not going to love daily Mass I did.
Life of course has changed and I find I have time, but still I find to make it difficult for me. I think: “I don’t have a car all the time so I can I go?!” Bus? Ask my hubby to drop me off then take the bus home. Walk? There are always ways, but there isn’t always the will.
And that brings to me to why I am doing this: going to daily Mass; to break this cycle of fear, laziness brought on by unworthiness. It is time to build up my spirituality. It is time to reconnect with God. It is time.