Taking the time to think about it and pray over it; those are two of the steps in discernment, I have been trying to determine God’s calling to me in this.
Sometimes it is helpful for me to “vent” to my husband, having him just be that person who listens and let’s me talk. Saint Ignatius, and others in the healing ministry, feel it’s best to get out of the directee’s way and let God and the directee work it out together. And that is often what happens. I will “vent” saying everything that is in my mind and suddenly God will gently inspire me with the answer.
Now, it is rarely is the answer that you believe it will be. For instance. I have been feeling like a second class citizen. I have these feelings because our eldest daughter works out of town and can’t take the bus to get there, she needs the car most. Her job is a part time job and I often do have the car, but still I want the car, all the time, after all it’s mine! But truly I have many opportunities to get where I want to go and to do what I need to do; they just are not as optimal as having a car at beck and call.
Like dominos one annoyance will lead to another. I call these annoyances because really I have many resources, and am privileged to live a life where my working is not critical to keeping body and soul alive, so why am I complaining. Complaining like a petulant child about having to do housework; or laundry, cooking shopping, all the things that someone responsible for a home would have to do. We don’t have the legions of children we have had in the past, many have flown the nest, so who else would do it now? Me, and I don’t wanna!
That is when it hit me, why am I having a pity party! The house is easy enough to take care of. I work best if I get up earlier in the morning and do all those daily things that make the house run smoothly, but I love TV and staying up late gives me time to indulge, but what good does that do me; none.
So, God gently was pointing out my tendency to be lazy. I want certain things but I do not want to do the work necessary to achieve it. I want to be in a ministry that supports moms of all walks of life, but still if I can not overcome the petty annoyances how can I understand others who must deal with much larger obstacles. What I learned from all this is God is asking me to answer His call or do I to ignore Him and live a life half lived? As I said earlier, it is never the issue you think you having, but it is always the calling that God is giving.
That is the difference between being lazy and answering the call. Answering the call gives me more life, makes me happy and satisfied. God is saying to me: You have a family that supports you, always has always will. You are only making yourself a second class citizen if you put yourself there. Refocus your thoughts and actions to fit what you really know.
So, I got up this morning, did my daily house stuff, got things ready and went to the library, my “office”, and feel so much better.