OK great…but how!

a little child)Trust is one of the most important spiritual-emotional/psychological absolutes for good spiritual-mental health.   Spiritually to create trust faith and love are combined; you can not have one without the other for the Great Commandment is inherit in trust: Love, love your neighbour, love yourself.  The spiritual definition of trust is defined as that which reveals and is in accord with the will of God.  Psychologically trust is the reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, of a person or thing; confidence.

For trust to be developed there must be a mutual understanding between both persons: a love of person, i.e: spouse for each other, brotherly love of man for a stranger, familial love for friends and family.  This love is based on a faith that persons have “your back” are willing and able to look out for you.  Without each component parts of trust there can not be complete trust.

Trust is such an important absolute that once it broken it is often difficult to rebuild and if there is a mistrust of God that relationship is even harder to reestablish.

Rebuilding trust in any relationship, even with God:

1. Take responsibility for your actions in the relationship.  There are two sides to every story but the only side you can work on is your own.  Once you have discerned what went wrong and why you can start to take actions to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.  By changing your behaviour you change the whole dynamic of the relationship.

2. Recognize the weakness, gap or trigger that led to the breakdown of trust. This is not a condemnation of you, but is an excise in helping you to see patterns, gaps and triggers that might make you susceptible to mistrust.  Are there gaps in your emotional self, i.e.: needing to be nurtured.  Are there triggers that will take you out of a place of peace into a place of conflict, i.e.: fear of being judged, being abandoned.  By dealing with patterns, triggers and gaps you can become emotional and spiritually stronger.

3. Take inventory of your relationships.  What are some of the patterns do you see in your relationship?  What in those patterns could be changed or improved?  By looking to see what could be strengthen you can build an understanding of how you relate with others and the best ways you can relate positively.

4.  Establish healthy boundaries.  One reason we lose trust is because our boundaries are weak.  Boundaries help us keep out those who would do us harm.  We must decide in what we want, i.e.: how we want to be treated, what we believe is respectful actions towards us.  It is also deciding what we do not want, what we will not take, and how people will not treat us.  Healthy boundaries help create trust because we are firm in our wants, we have taken the time to discern what is appropriate for our mental-spiritual health and we will not back down.

5. Rebuilding credibility.  After taking time to see patterns, triggers, gaps and establishing healthy boundaries credibility is the next step.  It is taking all that you have learned and you are now going to put them into practice.

6. Consider counseling, or spiritual direction.

7.  Have someone be your accountability partner.  Seeing someone who is neutral can help you see “where the potholes are.”  This person should be someone non-judgmental with your best interest at heart.

8. Join a support group, prayer group, in group spiritual direction.  Being with others in your same boat helps you not feel so isolated and gives you more shoulders to lean on.

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Is a spiritual director working helping moms find God in the everyday. She has been a spiritual director since 1998: worked as a Director of Religious Education for Holy Cross Parish(2000-2005), was Director of Project Rachel, a healing ministry for Post Abortive women(1999-2000). Patty worked a social worker for Catholic Social Services (1988 - 1995) Then studied for spiritual direction at the Dominican Center of Religious Studies, DeWitt Michigan

She is married 20 years and has four children

She has a BS/BA in social work from Aquinas College, CSD Certified Spiritual Director

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