My Default Barter System

If the world worked on a barter system, how would you fare? Would you have services to barter? Would you be successful, or would you struggle?


Our Twinnies, our second son

I barter everyday…its called motherhood. If you don’t do ____________ you will be nagged; that is my default barter system. Does it work? Rarely! Is my bartering system effective? Well, not the nagging, but the one in which we barter with our children: we give you all you need to grow and follow your calling, you give us the joy of watching you live a good life – that seems to be working so far.

if we go with nagging alone, than I am a dismal failure.  But if we look at how we bartered parenting that is faith filled and proactive, than we have GREAT successes.


Our eldest taking a selfie in his Chicago apartment bath

Are our children happy and successful; for the most part yes. Now the younger still have some living to do before we know but for now they are on their way. Our eldest who is not pictured above but to the right, he has done very well for himself. He went from being someone you might walk across the street to avoid to someone who has gone to create a new life for himself, learning to be a better person, working toward getting a degree in computer science from DePaul, thank you very much, all setting this up on his own, making sure that when he left for Chicago he had apartment views set up, job interviews set up even before he had stepped onto the train. He was going to do this all on his own, I think, to prove to himself and and others that he wasn’t a screw up. And why did he have such success, because of my/hubby’s,  barter system: you do what you MUST do, or else you aren’t going to like what life has in store for you!

Our second son had an adjustment problem with college, LOVED IT the friends and all but the class size; way too big. so hubby and I bartered with him to do his work in a way that suits him but DO IT.

Our Barter system: parenting. Its philosophy. We are here to support, teach and guide. We ARE NOT here to demean, punish, belittle because that breaks spirits and creates angry children. We can not live your life for you, we do not want you to live a life we have chosen for you, both strips you of your God given calling, destroys creativity and creates dependency.  I may have a tendency to want to be a helicopter mom but have dad to tell me to stop it!  Life is what you make of it, we are here to help you, give you tools, guide you, support you, give you morals and values; so that you will make the best life God is calling you to do.

I can’t think of a better bartering system than that.

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Is a spiritual director working helping moms find God in the everyday. She has been a spiritual director since 1998: worked as a Director of Religious Education for Holy Cross Parish(2000-2005), was Director of Project Rachel, a healing ministry for Post Abortive women(1999-2000). Patty worked a social worker for Catholic Social Services (1988 - 1995) Then studied for spiritual direction at the Dominican Center of Religious Studies, DeWitt Michigan

She is married 20 years and has four children

She has a BS/BA in social work from Aquinas College, CSD Certified Spiritual Director


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