I can’t say it, this prayer, without feeling like that little girl going around the house BEGGING, BEGGING my mother to forgive me. See my mom held onto grudges like a miser to gold, and being very sensitive I felt every cold shoulder, every “evil” eye, and NOW the Church wants to me to pray this prayer again!
Sorry I can’t do it. No, I won’t do it. I change the words under my breathe and have a conversation with God that goes something like this: “Really Lord, after all that talk about how you died on the cross for me, loved me as the Father loves you, YOU want me to gravel like a dog!” I understand the theology and my husband has some flowery wordy way of saying that it’s really a good prayer, its about love and forgiveness…sorry DON’T BUY IT. After being with a mom like mine I don’t need to be abused by the Church I love.
As a social worker I worked with family in crisis who thought that to treat your children like dogs was a great way to parent. They would say it didn’t hurt me so it won’t hurt them, really.
But in prayer about THIS very prayer, I am knocked back on my kneels when my husband will caution me that I am acting like my mom, or that my children will say that I hold a grudge; so maybe I should say it.