Giving From Your Need…..

StJohnsAshfield StainedGlass JohnTheBaptist PaulLord, I am not great, do I even have a message for others?  Help me see that my story has worth.

“This poor widow put in more than all the other contributors.” (Mark 12:43)

Both readings for Sunday deal with Widows who gave their all.

It is tradition that at the High-school our twinnies attend that there is a performers Sunday Mass celebrated on the Saturday Vigil of the final performance weekend; this Mass was celebrated by Father Gordon, the Chaplain, what a wonderful gift he is to the young people.   He is a man so in love with God and his calling as Priest that it comes out of every pore.  He is a wonderful gentle man.

I see him and feel so unworthy, why can’t I be like that is always my thought, but I must remember that when I let myself be open I am like that.   I have mentioned here before that I suffer from chronic depression and I can put myself into a blue funk for just anything.  It is something I pray about quite often, work on with my own spiritual director and therapist; but still I can feel pretty worthless and lonely.

One thing Father said during his homily struck me: the number of times Widowed Mothers were used in Scripture as a way for God’s Glory to be shown. These women, who in the time of Jesus were often homeless and family-less – if they had no sons, were the poorest of the poor, yet they gave their all.

Father wanted the students to know how often God uses the “little guy to do his work, how much God loves a good comeback story.”  As Father was talking Saint Paul kept coming to mind, here was a guy who didn’t like the Jewish people until God converts him, suffers from depression, is a bit of hot head and still he is used by God.  During Mass I got the strongest inkling that God was talking to me.  God was telling me to stop looking through the wrong end of the telescope, the narrow end making me see a very narrow world, but to use the right end and see how much of the world there is to be in.

So, now the discernment question for me isn’t why aren’t I worthy, but why don’t I see my worthiness?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s