….like a Cuckoo bird

“Lord, I want spiritual food for my hungry and healing. Let your river flow fast and strong from my heart.”

This has been one very interesting week on the Priest, Prophet and Queen aspect of my life.  We have twin daughters and each of them is as different as night and day.  Our eldest twin is one with a huge personality but from the time she was a baby all eyes had to be on her.  I remember trying to breast feed both of them at once and the eldest would always try and push, kick, move the youngest out of the way.  In the womb the eldest was taking food from the youngest: they were born premature and the eldest weight in at 4.4 and our youngest at 2.12!  When they got older and I would spend time with each child and when it came the youngest turn on my lap the eldest would come over put her hands on my face, turn my face towards hers and away from her sister and say:  “My turn NOW!”  I would answer no, not your turn, gently take her hands from my face and turn to find the youngest had gotten off my lap and wandered away.

Trying to mute the eldest big personality and bring up the youngest mild personality was often an act in futility but one I had to do as a mom to insure that both girls got what they needed.  Looking back on all that I did, and I say I because my husband’s job demanded that he be away on business trips, took a great deal of patience and strength.  The relationship between the two looks, in hindsight, very much as our eldest was like a Cuckoo bird, the baby bird hatches in another bird’s nest and demands to be feed and tended at the cost of the other baby birds; that was our eldest.

As time went on I found she had ADHD tendencies and worked with her to help her with homework and other relationships only to find that she rejected all that work come high-school, while her sister who got the same help in creating life skills used them and is getting straight A’s.  We, and here my husband was fully engaged, worked to help our eldest who chose more self-destructive ways to deal with her feelings and reactions, so demanding of attention, and got her onto a path toward more mental health.  So here we are at their senior year and it has hit me like a ton of bricks that our eldest has been trying to push the other birds out of the nest.  She is very loud.  She feels the need to talk insistently, if you take a breath that is a signal to her that she can now move in and take over the conversation.  She is demanding and requires everyone to treat like an Arabian princess; she doesn’t lift a finger to do anything.

Because we, my hubby and I have worked with her she is not as pampered as she seems, she comes to us for help, she will, as do all our children, tell us everything; but still she is a hand full; and at this age a hand full that will have to deal with the consequences of her choices: she may not graduate high-school and delay her dream of going to New York for a pro-life internship.

With all of this I learned from a teacher friend at their high school that our eldest has been saying that she is the glue that holds the family together without her the whole family would fall apart…sorry…..what!   If she is a glue of the family she is the crazy glue!  This came at just the right time; again God knows when to give me what I need.

Let me explain why this week has been a difficult one.  My husband is away in DC, my hometown, on a business trip and I wanted to go.  It would have been the first time I had gone with my hubby since Spring Break of 2006 when the girls spent time with their Aunt and cousins, and that time was the first I ever went with my hubby, anywhere, without any of the children.   Thinking that our girls had been working so hard on their relationship and growing in maturity I thought I could go and trust them to be home alone just the two of them, so we told them, that is when emotional hell broke loose.  Our girls because of their personalities do not get along, really it’s because each will not bend that causes friction with the relationship: the eldest will goat the youngest, the youngest will shut down, the eldest will goat more because “it’s funny” and the youngest will retaliate, the eldest will scream, cuss and the youngest will smile in silent mirth.  For some time my hubby and I were not seeing that behaviour so we thought good DC here we come.  Not so fast.

We had a huge emotional break down between the girls which caused us to go into damage control, which caused a break down in our martial relationship.   I spent the first three days of the week in weepy prayer over what to do, what had we, my hubby and I done wrong, when God came to me and said: What did you do wrong?  It’s on her not you!  It all made sense!  Like a demanding Cuckoo, our eldest was demanding attention and loved the attention she was getting, but there was something else, a miracle that was coming out of all of this.  Just yesterday our eldest come to me to say that she was glad I didn’t go to DC, that she had been looking at what would happen if I had gone and she, our eldest, wasn’t ready to spend time alone with her sister.  That was a bit of mature thinking on her part, but for us, we have, maybe more me because I have spent so much time with the girls, need to see our eldest for what she is, and stop trying to do damage control, because that gives her too much power; hence the glue comment, and she sees that as her being the one in charge.   And having her in charge takes away my rightful Priesthood, Prophet-ness and Queenship.



Is a spiritual director working helping moms find God in the everyday. She has been a spiritual director since 1998: worked as a Director of Religious Education for Holy Cross Parish(2000-2005), was Director of Project Rachel, a healing ministry for Post Abortive women(1999-2000). Patty worked a social worker for Catholic Social Services (1988 - 1995) Then studied for spiritual direction at the Dominican Center of Religious Studies, DeWitt Michigan

She is married 20 years and has four children

She has a BS/BA in social work from Aquinas College, CSD Certified Spiritual Director

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