God I feel so small
This week has felt like God, all the Saints, and the Universe has gotten together to create the ultimate Patty “Wilson” Perkowski Slap Book! And from my experience of slam books in middle school: they were not the cutesy harmless little book; oh no these books were meant to attack and attack hard! They would be passed around the room and each popular person was free to say or draw anything they liked to help express their true feelings about the unpopular person. The books were always an open secret, everyone knew about them but didn’t know, that was the fun! You, the unpopular child would sit hearing everyone laugh, seeing them look over in your direction and snicker, point do what ever gesture they thought was funny. Good times!
Being on the receiving end was no walk in the park. The most popular child would come to your desk, the room would fall silent and she would present you with the book with as much pomp and ceremony that a 10 – 12 year could. Then the best part! You/me, the recipient, had the honour of *reading,* as if you could with your eyes filled with tears, the book before the adoring public of popular kids! Aw what joy!
That is how life has been feeling for me this week, the prefect storm of all the possible things that could go wrong; all of them presented to me in a slam book: How awful I feel I am as a parent, how I can take one step forward and really be taking ten backward, oh and the step forward: tiny baby step, step backward GIANT!
It is the perfect storm of many things, many very personal and I do not feel the need to share them with you, sorry; but God knows what they are and that is going to have to be enough.
So what do you do with all this emotional *stuff*?
I don’t get the magical mystery tour of: Just replace your thoughts with good ones; ever worked for me and I think if you are honest it doesn’t work for anyone. No-one should walk around the 500 pound elephant in the room or your brain. But on the same token you don’t need to force those who do not see the elephant to face the elephant, if you know what I mean. What do you do with all this? For me its all this emotional/family stuff?!
You have to train yourself to be optimist.