I must begin this blog post with a prayer, something I feel very called to do from now on: “Father, thank you for the banquet you set before me. Help me to receive all that you have for me. I believe that you can fill my every need.”
“Come, everything is now ready.” (Luke 14:17)
So much went through my head when I read this Gospel: The election, dealing with children, creating the life you want and are called to have. There is a pattern here: Creating!
When God wants to get your attention he will. I am on Facebook and Twitter but for the last few days I have been involved in a Facebook fight with a fellow Catholic mom. A bit of a back story. I know this particular mom from our twinnies middle school days. This mom is a very religious woman and I often got the “vibe,” the inkling from God, that this woman was someone I needed to stay far, far away from. Which of course meant I was going to do everything in my power to get closer to! Shows you where I am in my spiritual maturity!
So when I saw she was on Facebook I just had to befriend her. Such a bad idea. She has an agenda and she sees the world only through that agenda. She doesn’t know when to stop and it gets her into trouble more than even she realizes — a bit of advice given to me by a mutual friend. But on my end I am the same way. I want, or is it more an unrequited need for, people who have wronged me, don’t like me, as I feel this woman has, to “like” me again.
Which brings me back to the Gospel for today. What am I creating in my life? What bit of the spiritual puzzle is this woman helping me discover and do what God is asking me to do about it? Than it struck me: I was living out one aspect of my relationship with my mother through my relationship with her! My mother was a highly opinionated insecure woman who would rather wound than communicate. She would find fault in everything anyone would say or do and would “correct” you, really badger you, until you felt small. Than she would feel her job was complete and walk away happy leaving anyone in her wake, mostly me, to feel open, vulnerable, exposed. My mother hated to be proven wrong. For her to be wrong was to be attacked there is no way that she would be open to any discussion, no matter of explanation did any good.
This is how my Facebook relations are with this fellow Catholic mom, she and my mother are so similar. Like my mother this fellow Catholic mom went around acting the victim and I reacted in the same way I would with my mother by begging forgiveness even if the fault was not mine! And like the relationship with my mother fellow Catholic mom would not listen to anything I had to say in a way of explanation of my positions or try to reconcile what had happen, to her she is right and that is that.
What have I been learning from all of this?
One: That Facebook can be a real occasion for sin. I can be so anxious to be liked I will do and say anything.
Two: That like my fellow mom I can see life, sometimes, through only a wounded agenda causing me and others great problems because I will not/can not/do not wish to be open to listen to others.
Three: That an agenda, no matter how just, how righteous, if it is presented in a way that is meant to control, or bludgeon others into submission it is not right.
Four: That it is not in my power to MAKE others change to my thinking or to become who I wanted them to be.
Five: It is important that I learn when to let go and give over to God any conversation or person who makes me feel vulnerable, open exposed.
Six: That instead of wanting to right I should always want to be loving, to speak in love, and to act in love.