Now that we have the new missal, the communion prayer that I have always found jarring to say hasn’t gotten any better: “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, only say the word and my soul shall be healed.” I know that this is a reminder for us of the words the Centurion said to Jesus when he asked Jesus to come and heal his servant; but I don’t feel comfortable with the idea that we, any of us, are unworthy to have Jesus enter our very being!
As a person who spent my family life in a home when fear and unworthiness, bitterness and pettiness where the norm I don’t feel comfortable saying anything that brings me back to a place when I am five and wondering around my house begging my “mommy” if she still loved me because I spilled the juice! I am not worthy
I was raped three times as a young woman, 13, 15, 16 years old. Once by a man who was a neighbour and obsessed with me. The second by a stranger and lastly by the friendly nieghbourhood convenience store/gas station attendent. That ripped the trust right out of me. It convinced me that maybe my mom was right: All men are pigs and all they want is sex! Great, so what does that mean for me if God is male?! You should enter under my roof
God and I did not always have the best of relationships because of that, and I spent many, many years working to re-establish a relationship with God, myself and others based on more mature and loving aspects than fear based; it was a long hard fight, one I still fight but win more often; and I don’t want to go backward. Only say the word and my soul shall be healed
Secondly, we have the Divine spark within, so Jesus is already dwelling within, we have become part of his body, the Church, when we were Baptized! God always invites us to be aware of our falling away and heals us through Reconciliation and bringing us back to a “worthy state” to receive the Eucharist?
Thirdly, there is the state of awe we feel when in the presence of someone greater than ourselves, I get that, its the wording that gets me! For years I wouldn’t say the prayer at all. For years I changed the wording to say: “Lord, you know if I am worthy to receive you, only say the word I shall be healed.” Which I imagine that is what the Centurion was thinking when he said those words.