Good advice…..we could all use a chuckle

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Treat me like a pumpkin Lord

I need some advice

mother-daughter-lesbiansI seriously need some advice.  Is it unrealistic to think that a child-parent sexual relationship is incestuous no matter if the “couple” is of legal age, the daughter is 18, same-sex, and the relationship was “mutually wanted?”

I have never been exposed to this specific issue: Mother and Daughter Come Out about Lesbian Relationship, it is an issue I had found on my Facebook feed from a person on my friend list, Sarah McCulloch.  I don’t know Ms. McCulloch.  What I do know is that she lives in the UK and this issue seems to be something familiar to the UK society.

Still I contend that it is incest and posting that fact: that it was incestuous, caused a fire storm.  Many who posted on Ms. McCulloch’s feed was very supportive of the “couple”.  Those who were supportive of this issue said they are a same-sex couple, of legal age, emotionally stable and “can’t reproduce so it’s OK.”

How could anyone think that any incestuous couple was anything but harmful!  I think if we open ourselves to the idea that a harmful relationship is OK because they don’t reproduce is a slippery slope.

I would love to hear from David Pittman, Patricia McKnight who deal with victim’s of abuse and how they would have handled the posted thread that ensued.  I have the thread here:

  • A website article claiming that a mother, daughter couple are seeking acceptance for their taboo romance is in fact the result of a hoax.
    • Sarah McCulloch As I was just reading this too: http://stuppid.com/susan-electra-hamilton-mother…/

       

      However, point still stands whether the particular story in this article is true or not. These guys are real: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.co.uk/…/why-i-started…

      stuppid.com
      After Mary and Vertasha Carter came out to the world about their lesbianism, another mother daughter lesbian couple were inspired to step into the spotligh
    • Andrew Sabisky yes, it’s always these adopted-away relatives reunited stories that are the ethically stickiest. There may be a good case for legalizing such unions. It seems rather different to incest within families who have always been families, if you know what I mean (that seems to come with a fairly high level of crazy). But I may be wrong – it would an interesting research topic.
    • Stefano Capuzzimato hey, that’s a taboo! you’re challenging the status quo! *unfriend*
    • Stefano Capuzzimato (before I get flak, that was sarcasm!)
    • Amy Pollard I think the reason this makes me uncomfortable is because of the power dynamic involved in a parent-child relationship, though I will admit that I’m probably just rationalising an internalised social taboo…
    • Kevin John Braid how very Woody Allen of her
    • Kevin John Braid she was a mother figure. this makes it icky enough for me tbh.
    • Stefano Capuzzimato It is a tad perplexing that we consider somewhat more of a “normal” occurrence (even if marginally so) for someone to murder a parent rather than fucking him/her. This debate needs some bible people so we can talk about the genesis book and about some dots they have yet to connect…
    • Bo Selecta I think I have to go with Greta Christina’s maxim – (I paraphrase): the fact you personally find something icky can never be a sufficient justification on its own for disallowing it.In reality, I suspect that if we want to minimise overall harm, the power differential argument may have some strength, but that would need to be weighed on its merits.

    • Laura Wright The potential problems arising from an inherent parent-child power differential is exactly what I was going to point out too. Also, the potential fall-out if they break up might well be rather more serious/harmful for one or both of them than the heartache involved in most breakups…
    • Louis Ryan What is actually ethically wrong with this. All the arguments one applies to saying being gay is ok apply here.
      No one is being harmed
      It isn’t strictly incestuous
      It is loving and caring
      It’s not really your business because of the above…
      Personally, I find the notion a little hard to swallow but no reasonable moral objection that you can’t apply to any other couple
    • Laura Wright “It isn’t strictly incestuous”? Well, it IS incestuous, surely… If a parent-child sexual relationship isn’t incest then what do you define as incest?
    • Kevin John Braid im on Team Laura
    • Julia M Farrand A very interesting ethical question raised here. If think if it had been father/daughter, or even mother/son the reactions would be different. Or father/son…? You go on and on…..
    • Julia M Farrand Ah, it is a joke isn’t it? Or ‘spoof’. Still raises interesting questions though.
    • Kevin John Braid if gender roles were reversed it would have different a outcome
    • Kevin John Braid u know what the world is like.
    • Julia M Farrand Is it serious though? What is ‘Stuupid dot com?’
    • Robbie Court Surely Abrahamic faiths must be all for this (except the lebianisum) since incest is how we were all supposedly created!?
    • Julia M Farrand Eve was only related to Adam via the spare rib. As far as I know. No actual incest. Just a bit of morphing of body parts.
    • Robbie Court but didn’t eve only have boys?
    • Robbie Court (in the book)
    • Julia M Farrand Not sure but it sounds about right.
    • Laura Wright @Julia – that’s something that I was wondering too. Would people’s reactions be different in the case of homosexual vs heterosexual incestual relationships?
    • Louis Ryan Laura – Ethically no. Provided there was no chance for offspring to be conceived. When I say strictly not incest I meant that no offspring (which would be unethical). But what exactly is the difference, because you are uncomfortable with it – is that it?
    • Louis Ryan “The potential fall-out if they break up” – but Laura, that’s not an ethical argument nor your decision to make.”Potential problems arising from inherent parent-child power differential” – how does that make this unethical? Again, is between the two

      people concerned. A similar argument could apply to the power differential between two gay men/women surely…?Neither of those points are ethical points, nor do they affect anyone than the consenting parties involved and both arguments could be extended to, say, homosexual relationships (or other taboo but societally excepted relationship forms)

    • Julia M Farrand Oh, it’s not a real dilemma. Well it is.. but not true facts……
    • Laura Wright @Louis – yes, you’re right, I really DO feel uncomfortable with this situation. I’m just trying to work out why (and trying to separate any good, rational worries/concerns that I might have from any negative/gut-reaction squick). I’m not claiming to know best or have all the answers, so I’m sorry if I gave that impression.
    • Laura Wright Power dynamics negotiated between two independent, consenting adults is one thing (and an inherent part of my own sexuality…). What concerns me in a case like this is that pre-existing power differentials might well make it difficult, or even impossible, for one or both parties to explore and express what they want. An established dynamic can be a nigh-on-impossible thing to change if you think that your own sexuality is evolving/changing. I know that from experience.
    • Louis Ryan I’m trying to do the same. My gut reaction is the same as yours – and I’m not disagreeing with you per se, I just can’t think of any valid reason this is morally wrong.However, your argument about power dynamics isn’t well founded – and it’s flaw is

      pretty much the same flaw when itis used again homosexuals. “Who’s the man and who’s the women” being cited far too often. It doesn’t work like that (at least for me). There is no power struggle because the individual make it work for them regardless of gender. Well these are two consenting adults who have made it work. If they claim it works for them then (just like any other adult consenting relationship where no other partiesare harmed) then who are we to judge or comment on this.And what about two lesbian sisters or gay brothers? I presume this is equally as “uncomfortable” to you on a personal level but the power dynamic argument is somewhat moot.

    • Laura Wright No, to be honest a hypothetical gay sibling situation is a lot less uncomfortable/squicky for me. I still don’t love it, but it doesn’t induce nearly as an unpleasant gut-reaction. This does have something to do with power dynamics, to me. I’m still trying to work out exactly what…
      23 hrs · Like · 1
    • Louis Ryan 6 = 6
      23 hrs · Like · 1
    • Twr Earle Would anyone feel different if it was dad on son action?
      17 hrs · Edited · Like
    • Patricia-Ann Constance-Wilson Gallagher Perkowski I don’t care if you are straight, gay, bi, or what….don’t care if it’s “dad on son”…sibling to sibling…cousin to cousin Uncle/Aunt to niece/nephew..or any other family combination you can think of..it’s INCEST….incest has NOTHING to do with love…
      17 hrs · Edited · Like
    • Chris Allen the deformed baby argument is secondary to the argument of an abuse of a position of responsibility/care.
      11 hrs · Like · 2
    • Louis Ryan How would you know that Patricia, surely it’s the exact opposite when it comes to family and love… I don’t think you have the right to tell other people what they feel? That argument could easily be extended to homosexuals or black and white couples or other historically taboo relationships. That argument is dated. Your tautologous argument of “incest is incest” therefore it is wrong is stupid.
    • Patricia-Ann Constance-Wilson Gallagher Perkowski Louis, to say that my argument is wrong and stupid is a slap in the face to anyone who is a survivor of incest. Incestby it’s very nature has nothing to do with love. It is as Chris Allen posted “an abuse ofa position of responsibility/care.” While society may have calledsame sex marriage, interracial marriage, taboo; incest stands as a “taboo” of it own. In the article the daughteris quoted as having said: “My mom is still my mom. She does normal mom stuff: buys me clothes, pays for food, tells me to make our bed. We just happen to enjoy sex with each other too.”Her mom is her mom, how so? The relationship has now shifted from one of a parental/child relationship to one of lovers. The role of mother no longer applies. Normal mom stuff? No longer. But still this young woman thinks of her “lover” as still being her mother; that is the dynamic in many sexually imbalanced and abusive relationship. The less sophisticated, more naive, more easily controlled partner is now in a situation where if the balance of power, because that is what make incestuous relationship works, an imbalance of power and therefore respect, mutual concern, were to shift: the young woman wanting out, the young woman would/will trapped by conflicting feelings of loyalty and fear if something where to go wrong, become intolerable in the relationship. The mother/lover now feeling treated by her daughter/lover’s new found sense of self will do anything to keep the relationship in stasis.

      It is the use of a parental relationship in incestuous situations that makes the relationships more about power and control than love. We are conditioned to assume parental means authority and child dependence. To keep someone childlike is to keep them dependent on you for all their needs: “She does normal mom stuff: buys me clothes, pays for food, tells me to make our bed. We just happen to enjoy sex with each other too.”

      We should be asking the question of why does this mother, or any parent, sibling, family relative would want to be in a relationship with a young relative? What is gained? What does the younger relative lose?

      4 hrs · Edited · Like
    • Louis Ryan Don’t take it personally, I am not saying ALL incest is right or OK. Your personal experience might be bad or negative but that does not give you the right to judge others whom are consenting adults that claim to love each other. You can’t presume to know how they feel.An abuse of power? Is that your only argument – if both parties claim they are equal you cannot say otherwise, you simply don’t have the right to pass judgment on it. Because what about siblings?

      You are completely missing the point, it isn’t for you to pass judgment on others where no other party is harmed. I have been VERY clear that even if there is chance to conceive then it is wrong. You are questioning the dynamic but there are an entire plethora of relationships that host extraordinary dynamics. Three-Way “couples”, Four-Way “Couples”, bondage S&M relationships that can be quite extreme, etc. The world is full of relationships that aren’t conventional in a “power” sense so I do not accept that as a valid case.

      I agree a parent has a responsibility to their child in so much as the child should feel loved and encouraged in their endeavors. HOWEVER, I am NOT talking about a “child” – parent incestuous relationship, I do not condone that. I am referring to TWO (or more) emotionally developed adults that are harming no other beings. IF they are making a mistake it is NOT for anybody else to tell them so.

      2 hrs · Like

 

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How Spiritual Lives Of Women Can Help Nurture Moms

The Ferguson crisis, ISIS’ brutality

It’s FYI Wednesday and I have asked fellow Catholic moms for questions that they might have on such topics as motherhood and spirituality, children’s spiritual development, finding time for yourself, or just to learn more about Spiritual Direction; here is the latest question asked by Megan:

I don’t know what is going on in the world.

The Ferguson crisis, ISIS’ brutality. My world in both the microcosm and macrocosm is in a state of disorder. We need to bring back the good and the peace.

The world does seem to be in disarray, and the problems so large that they are overwhelming, but God does not ask us to solve them alone. He asks us to pray for our enemies, work toward creating the Kingdom (fight for a righteous cause), live the greatest commandment: Love God + Love Our Nieghbours + As we love ourselves. There is a key here, an important one: How well do we love; how positive, (Christlike) are we in our thoughts, words and actions.

We should look at our gifts and talents, see what we can do; some are more political and go for the larger problems: think Globally act Locally. Others focus on the community: Teachers come to mind a difficult vocation helping encourage/mold the minds of our youth, and moms who are baptized to be Priest = Nurturer + Prophet = First/Greatest Teacher + Queen = Guide/Partner/Co-“Ruler”

Megan God is in his heaven, and all will be right with the world

God Bless

 

Reblogging: Humanity: Something We All Should Be Concerned About

Did you know that in Tanzania, people who have Albinism, (commonly know as ‘Ablbino’), are segregated, brutalized, sexually assaulted, or even murdered. ~ from HODGEPODGE 4 THE SOUL™   I didn’t either.

As a woman and a mom I am speaking to you fellow mom, fellow believer.  We are all connected one to the other by the simple fact that God wants us to be so: The Greatest Commandment, so, it important for us to learn about the world around, and not just the issues that shout the loudest, but the quiet/silent ones.

It seems that in Tanzania there is a great deal of fear and superstition about the “other.”  In a population where there is little opportunity for education superstition fills in the gaps, and here the idea of those who have Albinism as the “other” is an ancient one.  And by making them the “other” it allows people to treat them as non-human.  Those with Albinism have been raped and killed.  The tradition has it that the skin, body parts of someone with Albinism is very powerful for shamanistic arts.

So, is God calling you to take some action on this cause?

“Get over yourself, God Needs You!”

Sunday was the Twentieth Sunday in Ordinary Time, and the Gospel reading was of the Canaanite 397459_191907174296663_142689242_nwoman with an ill daughter.  Now, what was so interesting about this Sunday, was that I was at a church that is far more conservative than I am. I seldom go to this church for Mass because I find that the spiritual conservationism can make me quite upset, and I hate being upset in Mass.

I remember expressing this opinion to my eldest son, and he said something insightful, he said: “Mom, the priest isn’t here to make you happy, he is here to make you think.”  Fair enough. This Sunday what the pastor was saying sounded about as far away from good thinking as anyone can get, it was fire and brimstone which, as far as I am concerned, does not nothing but set up a vicious cycle of spiritual condemnation and worthlessness.

Father equated the “evil one” with the Gospel, for me it was a huge leap, but he forced it to work.  Now here is where I have a problem with what he said.

First off, why are we calling the devil the “evil one“? Why give the devil more power by making the use of his name a talisman.  If we begin to the fear the name we increase the fear and therefore the power of the devil, we give power to the devil.  We have in essence, by increasing our fear, opened ourselves to the devil.  Doesn’t the devil work through fear?

Secondly, isn’t it true that Christ rebuked the devil and therefore gave us the same power? After all in an exorcism this very power is used to rebuke and turn away the devil.  We can not rebuke and turn away Christ, we can reject him but not rebuke him.  If this  is true, who has the greater power: Christ or the devil; Christ of course.

Thirdly, the devil is a rebellious angel, who thrives on crisis of faith, deals in death of soul, mind and spirit,  corrupts positive individualism, (God’s creation of us as individuals with gifts and talents which we use in our mission with Christ-Baptism), distorts free will,  and brings destruction to life, spirituality and emotion.

The devil works through man, is invited by man, creates in man a nature of hate; so why does Father seem to be saying that we have no power over the devil?   Does it make sense that we throw our hands up in the air and say: “Well, we can’t do anything about it the devil is too powerful!”  That can be what you take away from what Father was saying.  Evil in the middle east, Ferguson, Mo, nothing we can do about it all the devil’s fault!  Really, Father, really!

All Christians have the authority to bind evil spirits in Christ’s name (Mk, 16:17)

I for one  believe in Christ and put on the full armor of Christ!  There is a great article by Maximilian “Catholic Tools” Kolbe on the very subject of binding spirits/the devil.  Here is an excerpt:

This may sound outlandish or even like you might not have any authority to say these words.  But these simple words are extremely powerful.

For example how many times have you received communion and never felt like anything happened.  If we truly knew what we are receiving than how much greater would we prepare for Mass and how much more would that Mass effect our life.  In the same sense just because these words might not elicit a big theatrical scene, they still wage war against the Devil.

All Christians have the authority to bind evil spirits in Christ’s name (Mk, 16:17).  Binding an evil spirit is using the Authority of Jesus Christ and His power to make the evil spirit stop what ever it is doing and not to make any further progress.  It is silencing the spirit.  Rebuking is taking authority over the evil spirit and stopping it, too.

When you command in the name of Jesus Christ you are telling the spirit to be disposed of by Jesus.  One is not doing any of this with their own power, but the power of Jesus Christ. More of the article here 

So, now we come to evil in the world. If you have the attitude of oh well can’t do anything the devil is in the world; than what’s going to stop you from giving up spiritually?  Don’t/aren’t we seeing that everyday when people say things like: “Oh it’s too big a problem for me.”  “The world is going to hell in a hand-basket.” “What can I do, I’m only one person!”

As our pastor always tells us when we think the same things, he reminds us of what his spiritual director tells him: “Get over yourself, God Needs You!”

What can you do? Pray.  Work toward a righteous cause.  Educate yourself on the problem.  Write your congress person.  We want change right now, ain’t  gonna happen.  We have to work for change and when the change comes work to keep it.

It’s too big for you, maybe but how ’bout a group of you?

Hand-basket and hell, only if we give up.

So, here’s the question: You going to give up?

 

 

The Daily News, Catholic Style

Motherhood and God News August 14, 2014

The Spirituality Of The Verse

We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering – these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love – these are what we stay alive for.

To quote from Whitman,
“O me, O life of the questions of these recurring. Of the endless trains of the faithless. Of cities filled with the foolish. What good amid these, O me, O life? Answer: that you are here. That life exists and identity. That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.”

“That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.”

What will your verse be? ~Lines of dialogue from the movie Dead Poets Society

St. Ignatius of Loyola, dressed as a knight
St. Ignatius of Loyola, dressed as a knight (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If Saint Ignatius had been an actor I think he would have played the character John Keating, the unorthodox teacher, in the movie Dead Poets Society, who brings his students to a greater understanding of themselves and their world through his teaching of poetry.

There are two lines from the quote about that sounds so Ignatian, the first is this line: And the human race is filled with passion.  Ignatius certainly thought that passion was needed to live life: Passion for Christ, passion for our fellow man, passion in general in that order.  Without passion we can not show our love for God, our neighbour and ourselves.  For Ignatius when he came to understand how much God loved him and as such with how much passion God’s love was, Saint Ignatius knew that it was with the same passion, giving up of yourself to others, that he HAD to live his life.  He would argue that God’s giving us talent and keenness for our vocation of life should be lived with great passion..”And medicine, law, business, engineering – these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life“, had to be done with as much passion as God’s love for us.

For to live without passion a life is not worth living.

And the second Ignatian line is: “That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.”  I can see Ignatius saying just that very line to his students.  What line; what good in the world will you contribute. The play, of course, is life, and it is wonderful to think of life that way.  We are “writing” our story, our poem, with all the colours in the box.  Sometimes our choice of colour is a little dark, but when it is placed next to the brighter colours, the darkness makes the bright, brighter. God gives us these colours and as we live we learn how to use those colours effectively.

Ignatius created the spiritual exercises and examen as ways to help us learn how God is calling us to use our colours, write our story.  We go deeply into our lives looking at all of it: good, bad and ugly; not to shame us but to show us where God was during every time of our lives.  It also shows us where we were in relations to God.  Where we close to him or did we move further away?  We can see patterns in our lives, patterns of strength and patterns of shortcomings.  God wants us to see our strengths as our go to and our shortcomings as things that will teach us lessons and provide us with tools that will become strengths.

For Ignatius God was not punitive, but compassionate, forgiving and greatly in love with us.